


drown

by mooncandies



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Last Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27568186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooncandies/pseuds/mooncandies
Summary: Ash doesn't know how to, and Eiji is done trying.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	drown

"Maybe if you were a girl... " 

Eiji rolls over and looks at him. "Why does it matter that I'm a boy, Ash?" His voice is hoarse from being left unused for so long. 

"I can't do that to Griff," Ash whispers, and Eiji knows he's crying even though he can only make out his outline. "He can't have a _gay_ brother."

Eiji's jaw tightens with the effort of holding in the words he so badly wants to say. _It's always him over me. Over you._

But he doesn't. Last time he said anything Ash had shut down. The walls Eiji spent years knocking down built back up in one moment. Ash doesn't want to talk, and Eiji is done begging.

"Okay," he whispers. He brings his hand up to Ash's cheek, close enough his hot breaths ghost over Eiji's lips. His eyes flutter shut, because as soon as this moment is over it all is. it's so tense the air is like tv static and Eiji could be drowning, if it weren't for Ash's hand clutching his wrist like he's the only thing keeping him grounded. Maybe they're drowning together. That would be a better end than this; to sink in each other's arms like two stones. Spend forever at the bottom of a lake, untouched by anyone and everyone, unafraid of Griffin and parents and disappointing them. 

But they aren't drowning. They're in Ash's bed, too hot and too scared, and for a moment he wishes they were. 

Eiji's stomach twists painfully, so he kisses him. Maybe he kisses back, and maybe he doesn't. Eiji doesn't know. He doesn't need him to. Doesn't need him. This is just his goodbye. The static is in his ears, now, and every one of his senses is overwhelmed and he has to do something or he might throw up, so he kisses harder. He's shaking. Or maybe that's Ash or both of them, probably. This isn't how their first kiss was supposed to go.

After a minute, or maybe it was ten, Eiji has to pull away or he knows he'll never be able to. He does, dragging a small gasp from the other boy with him. It makes his stomach clench, and he turns away.

"Don't," Ash chokes, his nails digging into Eiji's wrist. "Stay." They both know he only means tonight, only _needs_ tonight. So Eiji stays.


End file.
